I have the pleasure of welcoming Lexi Ryan to the blog..Lexi is talking about books and the amazing effects they can have on the relationship ..

Thank you Lexi…

Savannah

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SUPER EROTIC ROMANCE WRITER

Oooh, oooh, ooh! Is it hot in here or is it just me? Not me? Oh, it’s Savannah’s new site design! Very hot! Thanks for having me today, Savannah! I’m enjoying the scenery. Particularly up and to the left.

In honor of Savannah’s hot new design, I thought I’d choose a hot blog topic.

Since my Stiletto Girls series (Stilettos, Inc. April 2009, Ravenous Romance; Flirting with Fate, coming fall 2009) is primarily about Specials, a group of humans with supernatural powers, people often ask me what my superpower would be if I were a Special. Um, like, maybe I already have a superpower? Maybe my superhero identity is Super Erotic Romance Writer (but shhhh…don’t tell anyone!).

You see, when my book came out, all my friends bought a copy (because they’re fantastic!), and the guys all joked that their wives/girlfriends reading my book helped to improve their sex lives. The joke between my husband and I is that this is my service to the world.

Erotic romance writer—saving sex lives one book at a time.

Now, I want to pause briefly here to say that I think there’s a lot more to romance—yes, even erotic romance—than sex. In fact, I get a little peevish when people simplify romance to that single element. Sure, the books are sexy—some more so than others—but there’s much more going on! Symbolism, themes, and motifs—oh my! So, as I focus on this one element—the sex—today, please know that I see great value outside of this; however, I believe this aspect is powerful, even empowering…if it weren’t, it wouldn’t be in such high demand.

Sex is important. Whether your relationship is new or old, whether you’re a celebrity or a hermit, sex matters in romantic relationships. But the truth is that most women spend their days doing terribly unsexy things. Before I started writing this blog this morning, this was my day: I woke up with the baby at 5:30. (Okay, he’s really not a baby anymore, but I’m kind of in denial, so bear with me.) We snuggled while he watched cartoons and I checked email and took care of some of the business side of writing. Then I made breakfast—homemade whole grain waffles and strawberries, mmm! Breakfast was followed by dishes, laundry, feeding the dogs, picking up toys, more snuggles when the baby hurt himself trying to climb onto the coffee table…In fact, while I had to stop typing just now because the little guy had grown bored with Daddy and wanted to sit with Mama for a minute….sound familiar? Aside from a few variables, this is pretty much Every Woman’s Saturday.

Your morning was probably similar. Maybe your kids are grown or maybe you don’t have kids, but chances are, the contents of your day are decidedly unsexy, filled to the brim with responsibilities, and come bedtime (or noon, should you be so lucky), you’re anything but primed to get in the proper frame of mind.

This isn’t a problem for everyone. I know plenty of people (particularly men, but some women too) who can switch gears into sexy mode at the drop of a satin sheet. Many women, however, aren’t so lucky. They lie down at night to a steady beat of tomorrow’s to-do list ticking off in their heads. Get report in for work, email boss about X, Y, Z, make vet appointment for dogs, plan Joey’s birthday party, pay the mortgage and look into refinancing house… Whatever’s on the mental to-do list, it goes on and on and doesn’t exactly inspire a strip tease kind of mood. In fact, the idea may even feel ridiculous.

Sometimes women who intellectually want to be in that mood can’t flip the switch because they don’t feel worthy of the attention necessary for intimacy. Maybe that’s sad, but it’s a natural result of living in a fast-paced, competitive society. Isn’t our to-do list too often a list of today’s deficiencies and failures? It can sure feel like it.

Enter Erotic Romance.

You know those people I was talking about who can just flip the switch to turn off their worries? Well, I think of erotic romance—and even steamy mainstream romance—as a ladder that helps us reach that switch. We start to read, and suddenly, our problems are tucked away because we aren’t ourselves anymore. We are these characters, living in their world. And when the characters start thinking sexy, well, so do we. And it’s easier to do because that litany of worries isn’t at the forefront of our thoughts.

Now, the naysayer might say, “Why don’t you just turn on some pornography, then?” Well, that works for some people—a lot of men, some women. But for many women it doesn’t. There’s a very key and important difference between erotic romance and pornography. Pornography is about watching, and the viewer becomes the voyeur. Erotic romance, on the other hand—by drawing characters with hopes, wants, fears, flaws and letting us into their psyches—is about giving women a character with whom they can identify, and the reader through that becomes the character…becomes a participant, not a voyeur. Through this identification with a character she believes is worthy of feeling sexy, she is empowered to feel sexy herself. By identifying with this “worthy” character, the reader extends this worth to herself, and suddenly that strip tease doesn’t seem so ridiculous.

Although I opened in jest, I do believe this is an important function of erotic romance. And I may not really have any superpowers, but I do know how nice it is to lose myself in a story and read about women with whom I can identify who are also powerful, intelligent, and beautiful. And if I know that story is guaranteed to end with a happily-ever-after? All the better.

Thanks to Savannah for having me. It’s been lovely, my dear.

I’d love to hear what you think—does the sex in erotic romance serve a function beyond titillation?

Lexi Ryan’s latest release, Stilettos, Inc. can be found at http://www.ravenousromance.com/breathless/stilleto-s-inc.php

Please visit her on her website: http://www.lexiryan.com