I agree 100%. I am so scared for my kids..I wish I knew the magic cure.

Stephanie, it is understandable. I think change can start with teaching and preventing. People have to stop being blind to what is happening. Ignoring this problem will not make it go away.

Savannah, I can’t thank you enough for bringing this forward. I agree wholeheartedly that preventing begins with teachings. On both sides, victims’ and bullies’, I believe we as parents, role models, superiors and mentors have an obligation to teach, guide and show our children there is beauty in every form. Without nerds in band, there would never be music, without geeks, there will never be technology and without various races, there would never be orange chickens, pastas, tacos or Indian fry breads. This issue hits close to my heart . Society as a whole needs to be aware of it. Hug a teen today and tell them they are important. They may not see it today, but someday–

Great blog pointing out a serious issue in this society. I think it all starts with helping kids develop a healthy bully-proof confidence in self. There is a lot that needs to be done. I was the “nerd” in school too. Things never got bad, but I was teased and I know that many saw me as a loser. It hurt anyway – so I can imagine the devastation when the situation degenerates into a violent one.

Shaw, you are welcome. You are right, each of us being different and unique makes this world that much more amazing. We all add something special in our own way. No matter who we are or what we look like.

Angela, you are not alone. I was the loner nerd at school. I did my own thing and was not part of the in crowd. It made me stick out and an easy target. Beinga victim of bullying hurts and it affects your life. When you are young this is the time you shape yourself and who you are, and if people can’t accept you or hurt you it affects you, even if it is just inner scars. It breaks my heart to see the state that bullying has reached now.

Another great blog Lady Savannah!

Some uglylees think they can anom bully now through the internet & e-mail. Just show them who is the bully & fight right back by just being yourself & forget it, while keeping note what is done & still forgive it!

XO

Pamela, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by. This uglyness has to stop. This is not right. Being a victim myself I know how much pain it can cause. It is permanent and it is not acceptable.

Savannah – that is a beautiful blog, I hope everybody who ever surfs the internet will see this and learn from it.
Bullying is a terrible thing, mostly perpetrated by cowards, who fold if they meet with resistance.
Resist the creeps!

Thank you for bringing this to everybody’s attention.
It needed to be said.

KATE

Great Blog Savannah. I agree in everything you said. Bullying is terrible and very wrong in anyway you use it.

@ Pamela Seres Sorry to ask but who are uglyless for you? Is not name calling a form of bullying too?

Sorry the word is uglylees not uglyless. I never heard this word before properly this why I spelled it wrong.

Kate, thank you so much. It is not easy to talk about the past and the fact that I too know the feeling of bullying and violence from the bullying. I want people to open their eyes and think about the choices they make. I want people to stop and take a stand. Stop the bullying and violence. No more suicide, no more school shootings by kids that were tortured at school by others.

We are all amazing, no one person is better than the next. We are all special.

Maya thank you for coming by the blog and leaving a comment with support. I think our society tends to pay attention to so much other stuff that they forget or ignore what is right in front of them. With this rise in teen suicide because kids are being teased and tormented it has come into the spotlight. The sad thing is that it is nothing new. It has happened and will continue unless people stand up and say no more.

Great blog, Savannah. There’s a pervasive mentality called “blame the victim.” I don’t think it’s restricted to the current time because when I was taking Social Work 101 longer ago than I care to remember, we were warned about it then! And that was before the Internet. These days you don’t have to be just bully-proof but bullet-proof. Hopefully if enough of us stand up against it–as I was taught to do from day one–it can stop or at least have to go underground because it becomes the thing which is seen as wrong. The collective weight of society can be brought to bear on a problem when it is fingered in the home, the school, the church and the legal system–confronted and punished at every turn.

Maya Maid, very simple uglylees tend to be the people that want to tear & keep you down. They only do it if you let them. If I mispelled it and you reread it, Sorry my Bad!

Pamela, sometimes it is hard to make them stop, no matter how much you try. There are people out there who thrive in the fact that they are hurting others and to them it is fun.

When I was a kid I tried to make kids stop and it just added fuel to the fire and they did it more.

Savannah, so sorry that you had to go through such a rough time in school. I was a very odd girl in school, anorexic, needed braces, glasses, poor AND Jehovah’s Witness – lots of reasons to be picked on. I was lucky that I only got beat up twice and I kept to myself mostly.
You are so right now that with the addition of the internet and cell phones, there are so many other ways to torment teenagers. There definitely has to be more done to protect these innocent victims and the parents, teachers and administrators need to work together to do so. It is only by continually bringing this out in the open will it ever get fixed. Thanks for writing about it and sharing what I’m sure was a very difficult story. HUGS!!

Lady Savannah, I have seen the worst of the worse & it’s been done personally to me & even DCL. My advice is to take comfort in your blessings around you, ask for help like you are doing, & just like the old saying goes, those bullies will go & pick on someone else besides you. Forgive those uglylees, but if you see them or someone else going through what you have, stand up for them! XO

I don’t normally blog, but this is an issue also close to my heart. When I was 13 I was bullied. It got pretty bad for me too. I’ve blocked a lot of it out, but thankfully I had an over-zealous mother who would march down to the school if she got scent of anything negative against her kids. It took a lot for me to tell her about it. This was 30+ years ago, when there wasn’t much out there about bullying. The school allocated a protector for me, for recesses and after school when I was most at risk. This protector turned out to be a scary person – she looked and acted harsh. She was a bully that they had difficulty with in a different situation. The school gave her me as her assignment to see the effect of bullying. I asked her why she did it and she answered that it made her feel good. Her life was hard, and she had been a victim too – this was her way of lashing out and trying to gain some self-respect. We both learned a lot. She gave me strength to confront my bully (and her entourage) without violence and I learned to be very articulate in standing my ground. It worked out well, but now I have a son. I know its different for boys and needing to be strong, that admitting fear of someone else is a weakness that hurts more than almost anything else. I fear for my son. He was bullied when he was 5, and later by a teacher. We’ve worked very hard with him to help him see that diversity is a blessing and that independence is a worthy risk. Above all, we have encouraged him to talk about everything – and it doesn’t have to be immediately, but he needs to let us know how we can help if he feels he’s lost control of a situation.

As a mother, I watch him a lot – for signs of stress, being withdrawn, etc. I know how it feels and we’ve talked about those emotions a few times, when he’s asked. All is well at the moment. We try to enable him to be strong but also aware that we don’t live in isolation. There are a lot of a-holes out there, and we have to learn to live with them, but not be subjected to their insecurities and bullying tactics. If we allow them to hurt us (either when we’re kids, or when we’re adults) we will never feel strong. My greatest fear for my son is that he will not feel he measures up in life – its not easy watching our kids walk through the obstacles of life without trying to do it for them.

My son and I have laughed and cried over other people’s/kids’ behaviour, and hopefully he will have an understanding of his role as a strong member of his school community, and stand up for those who don’t feel able to cope with negative pressure. He also knows that he might save a life by being there for someone going through a tough situation, and to talk to us (or a teacher he can trust) if it gets too big. I fear bullying will never go away, we live in denial if we think it will. Being educated and aware of the signs and symptoms is essential if we are going to make a difference. After all, its our job to protect our kids as best we can. Part of that protection is to be aware of the new technologies they will be exposing themselves to (I really detest having to learn all about the online world – I have enough to do!) and how we can help them avoid the pitfalls that will leave them vulnerable. We’ve only just moved into those teen years with our son and there is so much more for us all to learn. We try our best to have family dinners at the table where we can talk and discuss whatever is on our minds, and try to make lots of opportunities for our son to tell his story – whatever it might be at that time. Hopefully this will give us the chance to notice any problems before they get out of hand – but who really knows? In the end, I think we all get through it okay and turn out to be fairly good adults – for those of us who get through our troubled years, that is. We all have a responsibility to let kids know that bullying is not okay (I know someone who told me she was a bully – a really great woman – and she lectures her kids on not being bullies…) and to support those who are at risk.

Thank you, Shaw, for telling us we should hug a teen and tell them they are important – I think many of them don’t come to that realization for years…

It’s just sooo sad that these teenagers are killing themselves because of other people not liking the fact that they’re gay.

A person SHOULD NEVER be judged on by they’re colour of they’re skin, religion, sexual orientation, how they look and dress. They should be judge by they’re ACTIONS. You wanna be gay god bless ya, it’s no one elses business. Society today is sooo closed minded that it’s quite shocking.

Great Blog Savannah!

This is a great topic and I’m so glad you wrote about it Savannah. Bullys are so uncool. They don’t realize how their actions affect people’s lives. Bringing awareness is the first step.

I too was bullied – not because I was a lesbian but because I was from a poor family who refused to live on the south side of the tracks in a middle class town. Verbal abuse was really bad. Being taunted to fight when I wasn’t a fighter – never wanted to be one. Wouldn’t have mattered if I had – I was all of 90 lbs soaking wet. Made fun of because I wouldn’t stand up and physically fight them. Even worse was when what few friends I had turned against me and to show they had, did things like trip me on the stairs to make me fall down them. But still that wasn’t the worse part.

The worse part was that most of my taunters were members of the gang that had repeatedly gang raped me. They knew I hadn’t reported them. They knew I couldn’t because they would attack my sister next. They knew they could do anything they wanted to me and all I could do was bear it in silence until my mind finally blocked it until I was old enough, experienced enough to deal with it.

No one knew I was a lesbian then. If they had known – I imagine my life would have been a whole lot worse than it was.

In the Pennsylvania public schools, from 1968 to 1975 (ages 8-15), I was beaten up approximately 200 times, once so badly I couldn’t walk for three days. The school system never treated it as a serious problem. But that was the main reason I hated school.

Bullying today is much worse than when I was in school over 40 years ago. I fear for my grandchildren, and the schools and parents need to work together to stop bullying.

This is definitely a blog-worthy subject. I know it was hard for you, but sharing your experience will hopefully open the eyes of those who think bullying doesn’t exist.

Savannah, I’m so sorry to hear you had to experience that type of torture as a child. Fortunately, you were strong enough to withstand it. Unfortunately, there are young people who can’t and feel their only way out is death.

It’s heart-wrenching to read those stories, and I hope your post helps to bring comfort as well as awareness to a the tragic lives these kids are leading. Educating kids about the effects of bullying and the importance of respecting differences is one way to counter the problem. I firmly believe, too, that there must be an appropriate punishment for those who are bullies. When school administrators and other adults ignore the problem, bullies continue the behavior, and others participate, as well.

Thanks for the post.

Very relevant issue, Savannah. I worked in schools and quite a few elementary schools have a zero tolerance policy for bully behaviour and advertised this with posters on the walls. If you teach awareness at the younger ages than hopefully the message will stick. I imagine too many people feel your pain.

Thank you so much for this post, Savannah. There’s a wonderful project going on at You Tube called “It Gets Better” – videos of hope for lgbt teens: http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject.

But it’s much bigger than that, it’s about a culture that permits attacking anyone who’s different, and about making it better now, not just later.

Hi Savannah, and I agree with you 100% on the bullying issue. I live in a town next to Palo Alto, where there were a series of teen suicides. The city placed guards on the train tracks to stop them, and so far have been successful.

This is a serious issue, and have not been handled very well, yet we still have a ways to go before others realize the problems. I just saw on the news this weekend about a college student at Rutgers loose his life due to bullying (regardless of which kind of form), and I am hoping the two invovled will be held accountable. I experienced a form of bullying while in elementary school, but learned quickly how to fight back, and taught my children to do the same also.

Thanks for sharing, and reminding us to be more considerate of others!!

Lorie, I’m truly sorry that growing up you had to go through this as well. Nobody should ever have to experience it. It wasn’t easy to talk about it because it is a past I’ve left in the past. Seeing all the stuff going on in the last few weeks brough back my own experience of what I went through.

Lady Pamela, help is right. One day maybe those people who had done wrong will see their wrongs. I moved on from my experience and grew up to be somebody. I stayed true to me and showed that being me is perfectly ok. Not being popular in school did nothing to shape the person who I’ve become.

Denise, thank you so much. We are all created equally and each one of us is special not matter what we look like or what sexual orientation we have.

Kissa thank you for taking the time to come by and for your support.

Adriana thank you for posting a link to the video. You are right, people are being selfish by ignoring the fact that this is happening. I have said it and will sya it again. It has to stop.

Ms.Priss I’m sorry you had to experience bullying as well and I’m glad you survived.

Growing up my fighting back only resulted in more pain. I guess the kids that attacked me were stronger. It is something I will always remember and hope that my kids will never have to experience in school.

Thank you for coming and sharing your story and your support..

Bullying from other girls made me skip school to avoid P.E., where they could get me alone. I was grounded, naturally, but was fortunate to have one of “those” grandmas who would not let it slide…and that was tough, because these were the daughters of the doctors, lawyers, and judges in my town.

I wish every child had someone like my grandmother.

Miriam change has to start somewhere and not swept away or ignored.

Thank you for coming to the blog and leaving your comment on the whole matter.

Sylvia, thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share your story and your sons story.

I think in the fast paced lives we live people forget and don’t tend to pay attention. I guess since you yourself had gone through it and so had your son you can relate a lot more to it and know what it feels like.

Talking helps a lot and people have to take the time to talk and pay more attention to what is going on around them. I think you are doing an amazing job with your son and trying to help him so that he won’t experience it again.

Thank you again for your story. It means so much you took the time to share something so personal with me and the rest of the readers.

Bo, my heart goes out to you and my heart breaks for you that you had to experience such trauma in your life. I’m truly sorry. Nobody should ever have to experience what you went through.

Thank you so much for opening up and telling me about your life and what you’d gone through.

I know thank you is such small words but I truly mean it.

Barton, I’m so sorry that you had been beaten up and experience such violence growing up. I know how you hated school because I did too. I was affraid to go because I didn’t know if I would survive it. Even with the cops being involved I was still threated death and stalked. It was no way to live and grow up.

Schools need to take a stand and fight this problem.

Jannine, I agree it is a lot more worse now. Kids are stronger and are finding ways to make your life a living hell. I hope that one day things will change so kids growing up can be kids and not have to fear for their lives when they go to school or are around other kids.

Delaney, thank you for taking the time to come and show your support. It was hard to talk about my past but I want people to open their eyes and I want to bring awareness that this is not something I will stand for and watch happen. It is tragic and sad. My heart breaks for every single person who has ever been through this.

Education and punishment has to be done and tolerance of this stuff has to be stopped.

Sharon, I’m glad that your school did something to try to bring awarenss and stop this type of stuff from happening. More schools should follow and stick to their word by doing something to stop this from happening or ever starting.

Thank you so much for your support and feedback.

I want to thank each and every single person who came and posted feedback or opened up and shared a personal story from their own life. I know it was not easy to bring up the past and share it with the world. Thank you for your strength and for being brave. I can’t tell you how touched I was as I read each of your posts.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Talia, I’m sorry you lived through this as well. I truly am sorry. I’m glad you had grandma that stood up and had your back. My family supported me as well and did all they could to stop it but with the school not doing anything or very little there was not much they could do.

Thank you for sharing your story.

A perfect song for the subject indeed. Not only do we need to teach our children tolerance for others, but tolerance in the words that are spoken to them. Kids are cruel, yes, teens more so because they have the intelligence to know where to strike to hurt the most. But we must also teach our children that being different is ok. That is what i was taught, and what I teach my children. It is our very differences that make our world what it is… And make life more interesting. Stand up for what makes you different, and believe in yourself. These are two very important lessons that I think should be shared.

Nicole you said it so well. We all should stand up for who we are. We are all amazing people and I want to thank you for taking the time and leave a comment of support. Thank you so very much.

I found a video that goes right along with this subject:

http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

Savannah, depending on the month, I went from very popular to pariah at school in grade school and it was a frightening, stressful experience. I loathe bullies, be they physical or emotional… in schools, on the streets or in cyberspace. Bravo to you for posting this.

I too want to thank each of you. Your stories touched me as well. Being a lesbian – growing up in one of many of the “redneckvilles” of this country. Silence was the only weapon available. Never in a million years would I have thought to come out to my peers as these children did. Life was hard enough on not just me but my siblings as well without that knowledge being bantered around.

I have read each of these posts and all I can think is “there but for the grace of the powers that be go I” and I really don’t think I would have been strong enough to handle anymore than I was already.

There were many times I wanted to end it. Only the knowledge that if I were gone so was my sister’s protection kept me from following through. I wasn’t strong. In no way was I strong. I was scared and I wanted to leave. But I was just more determined it not happen to her too. And when it did come out years later, it was I who was the bad guy. Because I kept silent – because I protected my loved ones the only way I knew how and of course they made sure to tell me “Kids will be kids and Boys will be boys”

And the bullying doesn’t stop just cause you grow up – not when you are gay, disabled, elderly or dare to be different in anyway shape or form. Let it be known in the wrong place at the wrong time to the wrong people and even adults get bullied.

I used to dream of seeing the day everyone was accepted. Maybe someday, some generation will see my dream, the dream of so many, this dream of total acceptance of all come true. I am afraid that fear has this generation too firmly in its grasp. For after all – isn’t that why we (humans) can’t accept something we don’t understand or have no wish to try to understand? Fear?

Thank you all again for sharing. And thank you Savannah my friend for opening this up for us all to share. Unless you are apart of it, you really don’t know what seeing such support means to me – to the gay community. For although this blog is about bullying – it was the bullying of gay kids that birthed it. And these kids need to know there is support for them. Someplace, someone for them to turn to in time of need. They need to know they are not forgotten.

I am new here but the topic was interesting enough for me to jump in. So my apology.

Bullying is the most despicable act but I feel that the parents of such bullies are equally responsible for the behaviour of their children. These bullies must be experiencing something at home, the way their parents are behaving or handling situations that they are copying. Otherwise how come so young persons have this pervert, violent and mean attitude?

I think that there should be a kind of club of victims of bullying in every school where they can join, meet each other, discuss their problems (that is very important since they are afraid to go and tell it to anyone and keeping it inside drives them so crazy that they resort to suicide.) There is always might in numbers. School authorites may ignore single cases, but they cannot ignore a whole group. The group can also go to media and convince them to publicize the occurences that will make school look bad.

Thank God, I have never had that problem back in school, but as I hear and read, it has become a common pracice nowadays. We don’t want children to hate schools, education and carry the burden of those experiences all through their lives.

Suicide? NO. Unite and strike back with the help of parents. media, lawyers and other social organizations.

Kissa thank you for posting the link.

Dana/Inara I’m sorry you had to experience this. You are right, it is frightening and it is not acceptable anywhere.

Bo, I thank you again. I hope that your dream omes true one day because you are right fear has a strong hold and so does ignorence. You are welcome..I wanted to speak out because hearing about all those gay kids who took their own life broke me inside. I myself might not be gay but know many and have friends who are and so this is still close to my heart. You can always count on me for support. You are truly an amazing person.

Aarti, welcome and thank you for taking the time to drop a comment and your opinion on the whole matter. I think you bring up a interesting and fantastic point, there should be a support group for children who have or are experiencing this in school..Having support and someone to turn to is much better than being alone and affraid.

I truly hope that one day people will open their eyes and take a stand against bullying.

Tonight I was talking to my sister and she found this wonderful quote that matches your blog here. Just wanted to share this with everyone:

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.

I love this quote!

Denise thank you for posting this quote, it is a really great one.